MDM News - All the news that should be said

(The following is satire and is not intended to libel, defame or insult - really hurt feelings are your problem)

Headline -

"Judge: Donald Duck groping lawsuit can go forward"

Source:

MSNBC Article dated 3 January 2011

What Headline Should Say -

"Duckburg native accused as sex offender - Feathers Fly"

Dateline - Philadelphia - 3 January 2011 - A judge has today ordered that a case involving Disney Corporation employee Donald Duck inferring alleged sexual harrassement on his part, should proceed.

When approached for Mr. Duck's thoughts on the matter, a Disney spokesperson claimed "He was very annoyed to the point of being unintelligible. Which isn't surprising as he is always unintelligible."

Mr. Duck's partner, Daisy Duck, was not returning comment on the situation despite several attempts.

Reports have surfaced that the Child Protection Agency has since moved Mr. Duck's three nephews, Huey, Dewey and Louie to an undisclosed location.

Headline -

"Reinventing the wheel for the moon"

Source:

MSNBC Cosmiclog dated 3 January 2011

What Headline Should Say -

"'Nerf' Car spied undergoing secret tests"

Dateline - McGill University, Canada - 3 January 2011 - Touted as the new generation lunar rover, this vehicle has been seen slumping(?) its way around Canadian test tracks.

Since all plans to revisit the moon have been shelved for the forseeable future, could it be that this is actually some new approach relative to pedestrian safety? Instead of massive trauma when run over, we can now look forward to less severe bruising and maybe some gentle bouncing.

Or a new clean up vehicle perhaps - capable of sopping up massive spills with its spongy tyres. Or maybe a new approach to litter collection.

Whatever it is, it ain't parking in my garage - that's fer bloody sure!

Headline -

"End of Days in May? Believers enter final stretch"

Source:

MSNBC Article dated 3 January 2011

What Headline Should Say -

"Creditors cry foul as yet another judgment day approaches"

Dateline - Raleigh, NC - 3 January 2011 - Members of the Family Radio Worldwide Christian organisation have been giving out the word in earnest….that the rapture is almost upon us and, more precisely, is due to happen on May 21st, 2011.

The is all based on the mathematical machinations of one Harold Camping, creator of the Family Radio Worldwide, and apparently a man with way too much time on his hands. Or if he is to be believed, apparently not enough.

It is reported that the retired civil engineer claims all his calculations are from close readings of the bible and that also events such as the foundation of the state of Israel contribute to refined results.

No one seems to be commenting however, on the observations of several logic experts who have gone quietly nuts trying to make sense of the predictions laid down by the Book of Revelations. Like so many parts of the bible, it seems hard to clarify the impications of certain bits especially when they seem to contradict other bits and so on.

But if you happen to be a believer that the end is nigh, here's hoping you make the "gang of 250,000" scheduled for take off.

What's with the "dead rising from the grave" though? They going up too? They going down? What's up with that?

And why only 250,000 (or whatever the number is)? Eternity has an occupancy limit? Why is that? A fire regulation perhaps?

Sometimes it really does seem like nobody has just sat down and really thought this junk through. It's a worry, I tells ya!