(based on great events that did)
1493 -
Christopher Columbus first sights the island of Dominica in the Caribbean Sea. Everything pretty much slides downhill from that point.
1793 -
French playwright, journalist Olympe de Gouges loses head over feminist and abolitionist advocacy, at which point she is guillotined.
Olympe de Gouges
1883 -
Black Bart commits stagecoach robbery. Sheriffs and Marshals around the United States are stunned at the realisation that there is actually someone out there calling themselves "Black Bart".
1903 -
With the encouragement of the United States, Panama proclaims itself independent from Colombia. In a related incident, Colombia immediately becomes aware of what it feels like to look down the barrel of a loaded gun.
1913 -
The United States introduces an income tax for the first time. The catch cry, "Taxation without representation!" is resurrected by some new taxpayers despite not knowing what it actually means and the grand tradition of the "ignorant knucklehead" is born.
1964 -
Washington D.C. residents are able to vote in a presidential election for the first time, but only after terrified candidates are assured that it will not make the slightest bit of difference.
1973 -
Mariner program: NASA launches the Mariner 10 toward Mercury. On March 29, 1974, it becomes the first space probe to reach that planet. Scientists are ecstatic as they view telescopic images of the 55 million dollar probe plummeting to a fiery death.
EUREKA!!
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And THAT'S the way it never was!
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